Psalm 18 — The Yeti Version

The sky turned dark and the ground began to shake

Grant the Yeti
3 min readJul 22, 2021


This is a long one. This is another one that I started writing as if I was the author, but halfway realized I needed to write it from the perspective of David. The structure of this one is interesting: thesis, dramatic storytelling, self-justification, beatitude, taunt, praise, thesis. For a reliable translation, please see the ESV version.

I love you, Jesus! You’re my strength!

Jesus is so many things to me: a bedrock, a castle, a hero, a god, a diamond, a bunker, a defense, a rally cry, and a wall!

When I’m in trouble, the only person that I ever think about calling is Jesus! He is clearly the best — saves me every time. For example…

I was just about in the worst scenario you could ever think of. Death was knocking on my door, grabbing at my heels,

pinning me down, and getting in my face.

Desperate, I shouted for help from Jesus, who was actually in his house at the time — but he heard me!

And oh boy, he was angry. The sky turned dark and the ground began to shake.

He began to breathe fire and smoke like a powerful dragon.

The thunder clouds parted to make an entryway.

Faster than a speeding bullet, he flashed through the sky’s entrance,

bringing with him the dark clouds as a covering,

and fiery comets shot out like flares.

His voice thundered across the land as his comets continued to rain down.

He shot bolts of lightning down on those trying to kill me. They immediately panicked and began to flee.

But there was nowhere to hide! The tallest mountains and the deepest waters could not offer protection from his fury.

He came all the way here to get me out of this!

He saved me before the bad guys killed me!

They had me on my last legs, but Jesus gave me strength!

He got me out of there and put me somewhere safe — all because I’m his delight!

Jesus he looked at me and saw an honest and innocent man!

I followed him diligently.

I always listened to and obeyed him.

I have a clear conscience when he looks in my life.

So, like I said, he looked at me and saw an innocent and honest man!

God is very clear how he will respond to us: If we are merciful, he will be. If we act with integrity, so will he.

If our character has been purified, we’ll see him clearly. If we bend rules, he will bend us.

It’s that simple, Jesus saves humble people and humbles arrogant people.

Jesus, you power my flashlight and light up my darkness.

With you, I can win any battle and jump over any obstacle!

Everyone needs to know that Jesus is perfect! He speaks truth and defends all who run to him.

Is there another god who can compare to Jesus? Is there anyone as solid as Jesus?

He gave me my strength and my integrity!

He made me fly like a butterfly…

and sting like a bee!

You keep me safe, you keep me strong, your tender care made me what I am today.

You gave me a solid footing.

I have dominated all my haters.

I kicked them while they were down.

You enabled this, Jesus!

They just run away and get wrecked!

None, especially Jesus, will help them in their humiliating defeat.

I crushed them into a pulp and threw them out like garbage.

You saved me and now made me king.

People I don’t even know tremble before me!

They even surrender before putting up a fight!

All hail Jesus, my stability and security!

My avenger, my fighter…

My deliverer, my exalter, my rescuer!

For all these things and more I will celebrate you in front of all peoples, Jesus!

He saves his king (me, King David!), and he loves his people!



Grant the Yeti

tall. talkative. I write about faith & tech. I podcast about delightful, quirky passions at my thoughts don’t represent my employer.